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Tag Archives: Konglish

I Love Pussy <3

Daiso has decided to increase its coolness by several hundred percent by selling these encased chopstick spoon sets with “I Love Pussy” on each of the enclosed pieces.

Sets are available in both blue and pink.

I’m certain that internet searches of this phrase are sure to return similar, if not identical, results.

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Posted by on August 25, 2011 in Konglish/콩글리시, Seoul Days

 

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GRAND OPNE

 
 

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Vaginal Secretion

This poster has been hanging for months at some sort of  sales booth inside Noksapyeong Station

P090513001

Are you irritating about

remaining blood stains?

The era has come when even inside

of women’s bodies could be cleaned

The internal parts of women’s

bodies must be pure.

Now you can clean inside of

vagina with Suchaehwa

You can be free from smell of

vaginal secretion.

 
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Posted by on September 20, 2009 in Konglish/콩글리시

 

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Shakespeare in Konglish

If you ever have the urge to create your own Konglish, all you have to do is run some words through Babelfish, translate them into Korean and then again into English.

It seemed an interesting idea to perform this exercise using the words of the proclaimed master of the language, Mr. Shakespeare, whom I will refer to from now on as Restlessness Window.

Shakespeare –> Shake spear –> 동요 창 –> Restlessness Window

I thought first of Macbeth, Act 2, Scene 1, which contains a famous soliloquy that I had to memorize and recite for a class in high school.  I only altered words that would go unrecognized by the translator, mostly those containing apostrophes, i.e. o’er, marshall’st, etc.  The words thou, thy and thee went untranslated, but were kept to maintain the feel of the original.

The word count saw a significant jump from 259 to 350. Whatever condensing was accomplished in the translation to Korean was undone, and then some, in the bounce back to English.

The results certainly contain their own poetic merit. Bear witness to Restlessness Window’s mellifluous verse.  I suggest you read it aloud, as an actor would, so as to capture its full profundity:

This goes out and is a dagger which sees before secret intention,

By the hand the handle? Come, make a low price to catch thee certainly.

Me is not thee, and the like that sees thee yet.

Is not an art thou, about the time spectacle, which is fatal,

A division to feeling? or art thou the creation

which mind, and is incorrect,

but did the progress press the brain from the dagger and the line?

I go out and like being clear and the now when still sees thee

From the shape with this which I pull.

Thou went out and me the method which is going lined up;

And like that opportunity will use.

The mine eye does in the fool of different feeling and is not like that

And a price of all remainder there is; I to see thee yet,

And in thy leaves and dudgeon ventilation of the blood be like this before intelligence,

Which thing which is not. There is not like that thing:

Is an enterprise which is bloody informs to the mine eye like this.

The character makes die now in half world-wide one

and the dream which is wicked abuses curtained sleep; Magic Hecate where is pale;

Celebrates sacrificial offerings and the murder which will wither,

Alarmed in compliance with his security guard and the wolf,

Whose howlitzer his secrets his clock which has a walking, consequently.

Tarquin being fascinating with his design and stride,

like the ghost moving. Positively thou under firmness puts an endurance,

In compliance with a method my phase which walks fears the wild

Which is not ten to five, respects thy rightly pebbles prate of whereabouts,

and to have the fear which exists from time and, goes,

which now is adapted with it.

That lives I threat and sends:

The certificate suction which kicks too opens as the word gives.

The bell becomes roundly going

It comes to do; The bell invites me.

Is not it, Duncan wild ten five;

Respects it recalls thee in the heaven or the hell where is knell

Exit

 
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Posted by on July 8, 2008 in Seoul Days

 

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JUNCTION PRODUCE of VIPCAR

I saw this tasty piece of Konglish out in front of a Chinese restaurant in Sinchon where the College office dined this afternoon:

We, coordinate brand for “JUNCTION PRODUCE” of VIPCAR.

are proud of be fed back aggressively to make full use of sensibility

the tradition for such as austerity, eeriness, rambunctiousness

and austere elegance in which only prestige car has.

By doing so, we Junction Produce would like to aim the way to the Pinnacle of

VIP dress up and we want to be only the first and last memory keeper of

by succeeding this point from everlasting to everlasting

 
 

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S + talking = Stalking

Major Korean company GS has opened a new online shop/community called 스토킹/Stalking. ‘S + talking = Stalking’, which is true only stalking was already a word with a much different meaning. Supposedly you talk about things that start with the letter S. To quote the Metro article these topics include “Style, Shopping, She, Success, Sexy, S라인 , 수다 (Suda i.e. Gossip)”. S라인/S-line is a Korean term for curves/nice body shape. They really should consult an English speaker before they name. Though with the way internet communities work Stalking can be seen as completely direct and unpretentious.

This is not quite as funny as Coolpis, the failed Korean drink of the 80’s, but it’s still pretty good.

Check it out: http://stalking.gseshop.co.kr/index.gs

Wash it down with a nice cold glass of Coolpis (no Warmpis here).

cool_piss.jpg
 
 

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우유 좋아! White Love Songs

More Korean music videos! These songs are all about Milk! I know you’re excited! More exclamation points!!!!!!!!! 앗싸!

Korean elementary school girls, 7Princess, singing about how great milk is!

A cartoon version of the same song! 앗싸! 앗싸!

Another, different milk song sung by an older, but juvenile-sounding woman, Strawberry Princess, and paired with an unrelated cartoon starring “Bizarre Rabbit” Mashimoro. With English subtitles from the uploader! 나이스 콩글리시!

One more! This is a milk commercial, which must’ve run a few years back. It features a young 이효리 (Hyori Lee), who is basically my dream girl (excluding my girlfriend of course), and her former group FinKL (Fine Killing Liberty).

Korea must’ve really had a heavy campaign for milk at this point, and on average I think South Koreans’ average height has increased greatly in last couple of generations.

The kicker here is that they’re calling milk “White Love”, which to me has an oddly racist and perverted ring to it.

If you know me, you know I love milk (and cereal). Einstein Milk is the best because it’s Natural DHA milk secreted from milk cows.

ESL milk is also very good. It helps you learn English faster! Well it really just means Extended Shelf Life, but it’s ironic considering the ESL boom occurring here at the moment. Okay, that’s enough. Now go drink your milk!

 

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